1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Actions speak louder than pants.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
