So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
