omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
