You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
