there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
