Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
