Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
