you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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