Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
