My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he was CRYING into my vagina
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
