I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize