here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
