At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
