im having a threesome with these popsicles
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
