You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
