She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
