i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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