So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
