Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
