I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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