i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just invented taco cereal.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
