I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
