I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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