Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
