Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
