Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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