While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize