Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
only you would photoshop your dick
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
