i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
