i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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