Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
