**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
