When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he fucked my hip out of place.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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