ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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