Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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