I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
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