I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
