You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize