either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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