seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
