Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
