her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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