his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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