Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
my shit smells like andre
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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