I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
