Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
