i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
