Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
