oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
