I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize