They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
