My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize