Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
