But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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