dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
