I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
