Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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