yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
