I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
