dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
