I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
