This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
