our cab driver is having phone sex.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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