dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
