I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
