the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I woke up under a house in Key West
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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