I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
