Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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