Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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