I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
