the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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