she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
