could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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