Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
