I'm so fucking centered right now
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
