1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
