It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize