the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
