This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
