in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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