His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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