Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
