Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
