He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
