The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
