I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
