I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
