this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
