the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
