that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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