At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
