Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
