I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
