Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
