There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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