i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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