Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize