Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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