I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
