'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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