the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize